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Self-Leadership Challenge #1: What Does it Mean to Be a Great “Self-Leader”?

Often, when we hear the word “leader,” we think of an individual who leads others. But people-leadership is only one part of an executive’s journey. Yes, people-leadership skills are absolutely critical to success … but on their own, they are not enough to help you reach your full potential. Before you can effectively lead subordinates, you must first effectively lead yourself.

Self-leadership is the missing piece for so many executives—
a key area of leadership that often gets neglected.

In other words, you cannot successfully manage others until you’re adept at managing your own mindset, actions, and reactions.

How do I know this is true? It has become clear to me in my career as an executive coach, during which I have worked with hundreds of leaders from more than 60 nationalities and a wide variety of industries. Before that, I was an executive myself in multinational corporations, building brands across dozens of countries on four continents.

My first lesson about self-leadership occurred years ago during an unexpected encounter with John Pepper, then-Chairman and CEO of Procter & Gamble (P&G). It was a hot August night in Cincinnati, Ohio, the home of P&G’s world headquarters. I had just flown in the day before from China, where I was living and working for P&G as an expat, to attend a global meeting for the company’s marketing leaders. Once the all-day event was over, I holed myself up in a corner of the darkened 9th floor—my old stomping grounds when I worked there—in order to catch up on emails.

Glancing at my watch, I realized it was almost 9:30 p.m., so I packed up my things to head back to the hotel. Making my way through a half-lit hallway, I reached the elevator bank and pushed the “down” button. As I glanced up, I realized the elevator was descending from the 11th floor.

Back then, the 11th floor of P&G’s world headquarters was called “Mahogany Row” due to the beautiful mahogany desks that graced the space. Those desks belonged to the highest-level leaders in the multibillion-dollar corporation—P&G’s C-Suite Executives: the CEO, the COO, the CFO, the CMO, the CIO, the C-I-E-I-O (you get my drift).

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Standing there watching the elevator numbers counting down from 11 … to 10 … to 9, a thought flashed through my mind: “I wonder if anybody from the 11th floor will be sharing the car with me.”

As if on cue, the elevator doors opened, and sure enough, there stood John Pepper. As I stepped inside, it suddenly hit me: I was going to have nine floors—count ‘em, nine—of one-on-one time with the company’s #1 executive.

Because I had presented to John many times, I knew he was aware that I was managing key company brands in Greater China, an important strategic location for the company. I also knew that after 30 hours of long-haul travel and attending an all-day meeting, the pistons of my brain-engine weren’t exactly hitting on all cylinders. That’s when I heard inside my head the wise voice of one of my favorite mentors, saying, “Brenda, always be prepared with a question for upper management in case you run into them. Because if you don’t ask them a question, they will ask you one.”

So, to avoid being faced with a brain-challenging inquiry in my exhausted state, I turned and said, “Good evening, John. It’s nice to see you. Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Not at all,” he answered. “Feel free.”

“There’s something I’ve been wondering about,” I said. “I understand what it takes to progress from Assistant Brand Manager to Brand Manager. And I’m clear about what’s required to move from Brand Manager to Associate Marketing Manager and from there to Marketing Manager. I’m even clear on what it takes to advance from Marketing Manager to Marketing Director and from Marketing Director to Vice President. But above those levels, what is required to get promoted from, say, Executive Vice President to Senior Executive Vice President? In other words, at the most senior levels of the company, why do some leaders keep moving up the ladder and others don’t?”

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I’ve never forgotten what Mr. Pepper shared with me late that August evening. “Those who do not make it to the highest levels of the organization are the executives who stop being ‘coachable.’ They believe they no longer need to accept feedback. They don’t try to keep learning or growing, and they don’t believe they need to stretch themselves anymore. They sit back, earn the big paycheck, and take in all the perks that come with a grand title. They believe they’ve ‘made it.’ Those are the leaders who don’t last long because being coachable is fundamental to leadership success.”

Mr. Pepper’s powerful advice has influenced me ever since. Since then, I have tried to emulate great self-leaders by initiating a daily habit of asking myself, “How coachable am I today?” And I have suggested that my executive coaching clients do the same.

Break the “CCODE”

I believe great self-leaders also follow what I call the “CCODE,” an acronym that is a recipe for self-leadership success. The ingredients are as follows

  • C is first for Courage. The first step in your evolution as a capable self-leader is taking a good, hard look at yourselfyour work habits, your fears, your personal style, your relationships, where you thrive, and where you fall short. A true, no-holds-barred self-assessment takes guts. Confronting yourself and realizing that you have flaws that are holding you back can be painful. It takes courage to open your eyes, look in that mirror, and make changes that will have a powerful impact on your career.
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  • C also stands for Commitment. Self-leadership isn’t a goal to which you can aspire “a bit.” It’s like being a “little” ethical; you either are, or you aren’t. Once you commit to being coachableonce you say you want to examine yourself and make whatever changes are necessary to be an effective self-leaderthen you must devote yourself to the process, embrace it, and keep it at the top of your priority list. It deserves your time,  focus, and attention.
  • O means you are Open to new ideas, new mindsets, and new ways of looking at your life, your work style, and your relationships. You’re also open to changing the way you work. As I mentioned earlier, self-leaders are willing to at least listen to new ideas.
  • D is for Discipline. This means putting systems in place and organizing yourself in a way that supports your progress. It involves arranging your schedule to find time for the changes you want to make. Disciplined self-leaders also make regular self-assessments a part of their routine so that they are continually checking progress and making adjustments.
  • E is for the Energy you must devote to this important mission. Don’t underestimate the amount of energy you’ll need to make changes to yourself. It amounts to conscientious self-care, and that’s not something senior executives are always good at. It’s too easy to blow off daily objectives like getting a good night’s sleep, eating healthy foods, and fitting in regular exercise. But you cannot achieve your goals if your body and mind are tired. That’s why this might be the most important CCODE component because, without healthy energy, the other objectives will be out of your reach.

Those are some of the key basic attributes that make for a great self-leader. In my new book, Leading YOU™: The power of Self-Leadership to build your executive brand and drive career success, I reveal the 15 most damaging self-leadership behaviors that I regularly see in my executive coaching practice, and I provide dozens of tips and techniques you can immediately apply to correct or improve these behaviors.

In what ways do YOU want to improve in order to be a great self-leader?

 

The New Year / New YOU™ Self-Leadership “Stillness” Challenge

Happy New Year! I hope that 2017 has started wonderfully for you.

Are you a New Year’s resolution kind of person? I personally like the idea of setting new intentions when a new year begins. But this year, I decided to take it up a notch –  to forego a traditional new year’s resolution, and challenge myself instead with something related to the topic of my latest book.  I call it my personal “self-leadership challenge,” and it’s a good, meaty one, I can tell you!  I would love you to join me as a way to strengthen your brand this year.

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Titled Leading YOU™: The power of Self-Leadership to build your executive brand and drive career success, the book focuses on the critical topic of self-leadership – one of the most important yet often overlooked skills necessary to be an effective leader. In the book, I share the 15 most damaging self-leadership behaviors I regularly see in my coaching practice and offer dozens of tips and techniques to correct them.

One of the first 15 behaviors I write about in Leading YOU™ is mind management. It’s covered early on in the first few chapters for a good reason – strong mind management is the foundation of self-leadership. All the remaining 14 behaviors stem from that.

Now, to be honest, I’ve practiced mind management for years, which has helped me focus my thoughts, shift quickly from negative to positive energy, and much more. But this year, I wanted to take mind management a step further: I decided to practice total stillness of mind and body.

What does that mean exactly? Well, “body stillness” is pretty obvious. I mean, we don’t move our bodies at night while we sleep, right? But I wanted to integrate that same level of body stillness into the hustle and bustle of my typical days. I felt reasonably confident I could do that.

But, mind stillness” (not meditation)? Well, that’s a different ballgame altogether!

If you’ve ever tried meditating, you might have focused on your breathing, stated a mantra, chanted, counted your breaths, or focused on the air moving in and out of your nostrils, for example. That’s all good, but those activities continue to keep the mind “busy.”

No, I wanted to challenge myself to have “zero” activity in my mind – absolutely no thoughts at all. No ideas passing through, no counting breaths, not even experiencing any feelings – nothing. Just 100%, pure mind and body stillness. Could I do it?….

What are the benefits – to you and YOU™?

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Let’s admit it: We’ve become addicted to busy-ness. I’ve seen it in myself and in my coaching clients. Most of us rarely have a moment of stillness (at least not while we’re awake).  Whenever my husband and I go out to dinner, I look around and regularly see couples and families sitting together, everyone on his or her individual smart phone or iPad. Instead of experiencing any degree of stillness, we seem to be addicted to always keeping our minds busy. But all that does is increase our stress levels, close us off from creative thinking, and make us mentally tired.  That’s one of the reasons why I set this goal for 2017.

So, how does this relate to successful self-leadership and branding yourself a leader? A host of studies have found that …

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  • Besides improving focus, regularly experiencing stillness can decrease anxiety, encourage calmness, and help regulate emotions in order to handle stress better.
  • With stillness, the mind can “clear the slate” and come back to address challenges from a truly fresh perspective with renewed creativity and ideas.
  • This, in turn, helps manage reactions to situations on the job, staying calmer when issues and conflicts arise.
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And all of that helps build a stronger brand for yourself as a leader at work.  Because doing so impacts the way you act, react, look, sound, and think. And that is how you communicate your brand, impacting how others perceive, think, and feel about “YOU™.”

Ready, set, go!…

So, I set my sights on a goal for 2017: To spend 17 minutes a day in complete, continuous mind and body stillness. I’m not talking about 1-2 minutes a few times here and there, throughout the day. No, I mean 17 minutes in a row with no mind or body activity whatsoever.

How is it going so far? Well, I said I was going to challenge myself, and it has indeed been a challenge!

On January 1 – Day One of my experiment – I was in Thailand, sitting on a balcony that overlooked palm trees. I closed my eyes to begin my first 17 minutes of stillness. Suddenly, all the noises around me seemed to amplify as if blaring through speakers…. Birds of every conceivable type were squawking loudly. Cars and trucks were revving and honking on the distant roads. I heard water rushing, trees swaying in the wind, and the whir of the ceiling fan overhead. All of that proved to be massively distracting from my goal of total mind stillness. I was clearly off to a rough start…

So, my Day Two strategy included … EARPLUGS! Thanks to that, I was able to achieve a bit of time – albeit very short – of true, concentrated, complete stillness. Each day since, it’s been a mix: I’ve had some good sessions, some not-so-good sessions. But despite the ups and downs, I have stuck with it, daily.

At this point – a little over three weeks into this year’s goal – I estimate the maximum true, total mind stillness I’ve been able to achieve is about 4-5 minutes at a time, but I’m still working toward that continuous, 17-minute stretch. I am determined!

What about YOU? Are you up for the “New Year / New YOU™ Self-Leadership ‘Stillness’ Challenge”? No matter how long you manage total quiet and stillness, you will experience big benefits, strengthen your self-leadership, and help to build your individual brand. How about giving it a try?

 

Which of these self-leadership mistakes have you made?

Author Anais Nin is quoted as saying, “My ideas usually come not at my desk writing, but in the midst of living.”

Of all the books I’ve written, both Leading YOU™ and its companion book, Would YOU Want to Work for YOU? are the two for which this quote holds most true.

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More than a decade of work and thousands of hours of coaching have brought Leading YOU™ into existence. Packed with real-life Executive Coaching case studies from around the globe, Leading YOU™ reveals the 15 most damaging self-leadership behaviors I regularly see in my coaching practice, and it offers dozens of tips and techniques you can immediate apply to correct or improve these behaviors.

Here are just a few of the self-leadership mistakes and solutions revealed in this book:

 

Top Self-Leadership Mistakes:
Selected Chapter Titles

 

In Leading YOU™,
Learn How to…

Believing You’re a Victim at Work Quit acting like a victim of your calendar, your time, and “the system”
Not Managing Your Mind Take control of powerful mind management techniques to stop limiting behaviors
Underestimating the Significance of Self-Promotion and Visibility Promote yourself without bragging, to help you gain the visibility you need and get the job you want
Not Knowing How to Influence Without Authority Successfully influence others even if you don’t have an official title or authority
Struggling with Tough Decisions Make even the most difficult decisions with ease
Saying “Yes” When You Want to Say “No” Say “no” with calm self-assurance
Failing to Address Conflict When It Arises Manage conflict in a way that strengthens relationships
Getting Stuck in Back-and-White Thinking Avoid black-and-white thinking and get comfortable living in the grey

And several more key self-leadership topics!

Click here to find out more!

How to Demonstrate Good Self-Leadership During the Year-End Holiday Season: Create Your Own “Holiday-Season Mantra!”

To celebrate year-end holidays, millions of people around the globe will soon be traveling to reconnect with loved ones. Whether the trip is just across town or half-way around the world, reunions with friends and family can make this time of year a time of joy, laughter, and peace — or just the opposite.  Crowded airports, increased traffic, the stress of meeting expectations, and the lack of sleep can lead us to react in ways we regret later, and/or to do or say things we wish we hadn’t.

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 How can you get through this year-end holiday season in a way that you will look back on and be proud of? Here’s a fun, powerful, yet simple way to do just that:

Fast forward in your mind to the end of your holiday season, days or weeks from now (depending upon how long you’ll be gone)… think of the time when you are getting ready to say goodbye to the friends, family, and loved ones you have visited. Perhaps in your mind you are in your car, backing out of the driveway of your host’s home, or maybe you are waving goodbye as you walk toward the airport gate to catch your return flight.

As you pull out of the driveway or as your hosts catch the last glimpse of you heading into the jetway, those loved ones turn to each other and say, “Wow, this year, he was really _______, ________, and ________!” or “She was so _______ this season!” What five positive adjectives or descriptive words would you want them to use to describe YOU at the end of this holiday time?

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Take a moment to really reflect on the five descriptive words you would like to “own” by the end of this festive season. For example, you might choose words like happy, calm, quietly confident, peaceful, fun, enjoyable, pleasant, helpful, supportive, loving…”  Pick whatever five words resonate with you the most.

Throughout your entire holiday season, keep these five words in the forefront of your mind, day in and day out, from morning to night. Make them your “holiday season mantra.” Write them down and keep them in your pocket, purse, or anywhere you might see them regularly.  Write them on the inside of your hand or on your arm, under the sleeve of your shirt. Heck – you can even sing them to a favorite holiday tune, if you want! Whatever you do to remind yourself, the goal is to keep them top of mind at all times.

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Once those words are chosen and you are keeping them at the forefront of your conscious, now begin to “embody” those five words.  How do you do that? By reflecting those fives words through the core activities you do each and every day that most communicate your brand:  the way you Act, React, Look, Sound, and Think. (Remember:  a brand is not communicated by what you say you want to be, but by what you do.)

As you take an action, ask yourself, “Am I acting like someone who is ‘calm’ would act?” “Is this reaction consistent with my goal of ‘peaceful’?” “Does how I look communicate ‘confidence’?” “Is what I am about to say in line with someone who would be described as ‘helpful and supportive’?” “Am I thinking like someone who embodies the word ‘loving’?”

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Watch yourself like a hawk! Your goal is to be 100% consistent with those five words in all that you do, say, and think.  That’s how you create the brand for yourself you want during the holidays… and beyond.

What happens if you reach a boiling point, have a melt-down, or blow up at someone?  Don’t beat yourself up!  Judging yourself will just cause more angst and frustration. Simply apologize to yourself and others with authenticity, review your words one more time, and choose again. Building a brand for yourself is a journey – your goal is to be as consistent as possible, so just keep at it!

Remember: What you think is what you get.  Keep your desired five words top of mind, and have fun with this holiday experiment!

By the way, I would love to hear your five-word choices and to learn about the outcomes of your “holiday mantra challenge.” Please send me an email at Brenda@BrendaBence.com and let me know how it goes!

 

Do You Fall into This Trap? When Strengths Become Weaknesses

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Ahhh, September! Depending upon where you are, this month may mean dropping temperatures and leaves turning various shades of red and orange. For others, it marks the advent of spring, flowers blooming, and the anticipation of warmer weather.

Here in Singapore, no matter the date on the calendar, we are so close to the equator that the temperature is always about the same. (In fact, I read somewhere that one of the most boring jobs in the world is to be a weather forecaster in Singapore. That makes sense!)

Personally, I love the year-round warm weather. No need for cumbersome coats or boots, no pain of chapped lips or falling on slippery sidewalks. But I admit that living in warm-weather climates for the past 16 years has definitely made me a bit of a “wimp” when it comes to traveling to countries in the wintertime.

This lack of adaptability has an analogy when it comes to self- and career-management, too. There comes a time when you need to ask yourself: Am I getting too complacent with one particular leadership style? Am I too comfortable with my most-used means of communication? Do I depend too much on one or two “signature strengths” on the job?

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Given the fast pace of today’s changing world, there are dangers in becoming “stuck” in day-to-day work patterns. So, how do you know if you need to become more adaptable? Well, that’s what this blog post is all about!

 

 

 

Have Your Strengths Become Weaknesses?

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As an Executive Coach, people often ask me: “What should I focus on most… building up my strengths, or working on improving my weaknesses?” Based on my years of experience, I had my own thoughts and opinions on this topic, but first, I wanted to get an understanding of what research tells us. So, I went in search of the answer.

The clearest research I found follows…

How Strengths and Weaknesses Impact Your Executive Leadership Brand

A study of 6,000 leaders focused on whether people possessed strengths or weaknesses and how that impacted each individual.

The first group consisted of leaders who had one or more serious weaknesses or fatal flaws. They were seen to be performing at the 18th percentile in the eyes of their peers, direct reports, and bosses. This was true even if they had many strengths. It only took one serious fault to put them at the bottom.

The second group consisted of leaders who had neither strengths nor weaknesses. (This seems to be true in general of about one-third of leaders.) They performed in the middle of the curve at the 50th percentile.

The third group of leaders had one or more prominent and clear strengths, and they were seen as performing at the 81st percentile.

What does this tell us? If you have a clear strength, don’t abandon it! It will help you stick out for sure. The key is not to rely on it too much. After all, a one-legged stool has nothing else to stand on and will eventually fall, right? Instead, I encourage you to make sure you are balancing that strength by focusing on improving any obvious opportunities for development as well.

So, What Does This Mean For You?

When I coach leaders, I often conduct verbal feedback sessions with their colleagues, direct reports, and bosses. Then, I recap the feedback with the client, making note of what was said, starting with what I heard most and working my way down to what I heard least. Usually, two or three very clear strengths emerge for each executive, along with two or three clear opportunities for development.

But occasionally, I run across leaders who have such prevalent and clear strengths that these positive behaviors or skills have actually turned into weaknesses as they’ve progressed in their careers.

How can this be true? Often, when you’re younger, certain behaviors are admired and useful – they help you get promotions, increased compensation, and bonuses. But as you find yourself at increasingly higher levels of your organization (from middle management upwards), these same behaviors can be described as “derailing.”

Here are just a few examples of behaviors that can start out as strengths but later become weaknesses:

  • Being “too” passionate or ambitious. The higher up you get, the more a calm, confident Executive Presence will get you where you want to go.
  • Being excellent at execution, but not very good at strategy.  At the lower levels of leadership, execution is important. As you rise in the ranks, however, you do less of the ground work and more of the strategizing that moves the company forward.
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  • Volunteering to go above and beyond. This is an excellent trait early on in your career, but as you take on higher ranking positions, you start to appear like someone who simply can’t say “no” – and that could mean a lack of self-leadership.
  • Managing down very well, but ignoring “up” and “across.” Younger leaders spend the majority of their time managing “down” to their teams. The higher up you go in an organization, though, the more critical it is to manage up and across (to your superiors and your peers).
  • Being “too” democratic.  Earlier in your career, being democratic helps build relationships and forge ties. But sometimes, as a more senior executive, you simply have to take charge and make a decision. This is exactly why leadership at the top can be so lonely.
  • Being excellent at building business but not at people-leadership skills.  Many leaders rely on their outstanding business results to get them moving up the ladder. That may work earlier on in your career, but failing to pay attention to the importance of relationships often causes leaders to fail at the upper echelons of an organization.

Do you recognize yourself in any of those descriptions?

Actions to take:

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1. If you have a clear strength, it will show up consistently in the feedback you receive. Think about what you’re really good at – the #1 compliment you tend to hear. What would happen if you were too much of that?

  • Too outgoing
  • Too smart?
  • Too respectful
  • Too adaptable/too flexible

2. How balanced are others seeing you right now? If it has been a while since you received feedback, be sure to get some 360-degree inputs soon to determine if your strengths are still strengths. Get clear on how others perceive, think, and feel about you so that you know the condition of your brand as a leader.

3.  Use the “circle exercise” to gauge how balanced you are in terms of a specific behavior. Let’s say you need to assess whether you’ve managed down too much and not enough up and across. Draw a circle on a plain sheet of paper, and look at your calendar over the course of any given week. What portion of a typical week do you spend with your team, as opposed to grooming relationships with peers and bosses/superiors? Divide the circle into a pie chart, with one section signifying the total time you spend managing your team, another for the time you spend managing peers, and another for the time you spend managing bosses/superiors.

  • How do the three sections compare? Are you devoting enough time to developing good connections with all stakeholders, or do you spend more of your time with one group than others? This is an extremely important perspective to keep in mind and will help you make sure you are balancing your self-leadership energies at the appropriate amounts with the right stakeholders.

4.  Focus on developing one or two core areas of development, while maintaining the powerful strength or two that you already have. Find the balance between keeping your signature strengths and adapting them for the position you now hold.

5.  How do your strengths need to be adjusted as you move up the ladder? What do you need to do differently for your next desired position? For clues, be sure to observe successful leaders in higher positions. What can you learn from them?

I’m also excited to share with you that my new book, Leading YOU™: The power of self-leadership to build your executive brand and drive career success, will be released January 2, 2017! In this companion book to Would YOU Want to Work for YOU™, I share the top 15 self-leadership mistakes I regularly see in my coaching practice, and provide you with dozens of tips and tools to help you immediately correct them and advance in your career. If you have found this blog post helpful, I think you’ll love Leading YOU™! In the book, I provide many more techniques and suggestions for how to deal with the most prevalent self-leadership challenges.  Click here to read an excerpt from Leading YOU™.

An Excerpt From My Next Book, Leading YOU™

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My new book, Leading YOU™, will be released before year’s end. You may have read another one of my books, Would You Want to Work For YOU™?” which focused on the top 15 damaging behaviors I see when coaching leaders of others. Well, this new book – Leading YOU™ – outlines the 15 damaging self-leadership behaviors I regularly see and offers tried-and-true tips, tools, and techniques to help correct them.

One key skill that almost all of the world’s top leaders have in common is powerful self-leadership. They have learned how to rein in their least effective traits and harness their best attributes to their advantage. After all, great success isn’t just about leading others. It’s first and foremost about leading yourself.

To give you a taste of what’s to come, read the excerpt below!

“Keeping Your Eye on the Target: What’s Your End Game?”

“If you don’t know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.”
-Laurence J. Peter, author of The Peter Principle

These are interesting times in the lives of business leaders. Technology is changing the game every day, finding a new job can be difficult, and the international economic climate is as fickle as the weather in London. If you are like most executives, it’s hard to find the time to sit down and contemplate where your career is going. But how can you be a good self-leader if you don’t know exactly where you are leading yourself to?

It takes time and conscious effort to focus on your future, and most executives I’ve worked with have found that it’s just easier to live from one moment to the next rather than make any kind of plan. But the truth is, if you don’t make the time to determine your future, who will?

You’re no longer at a level where you can leave your fate to “the powers that be” at headquarters or to your immediate boss. If you wait for something outside of your control to change, you could end up waiting a very long time. So, in reality, there is nobody better than you to look at the big picture and set the direction for the next move within your career.

Take my client, Scott, as an example. A very successful lawyer in a large multi-national firm, Scott hadn’t taken the time to look at his career in a “big picture” way. Don’t get me wrong – he was progressing up the ladder, and quite nicely at that – but not in a strategic way. He was simply moving along from job to job. He had no long-term perspective because he had gotten too caught up in each position’s “specific set of responsibilities” and only focusing on how to move forward to the next one. He had never thought about how each job could actually position him for much longer-term success.

Scott said to me (and I hear this a lot), “The truth is, Brenda, I’ve just been lucky all my career. The companies and opportunities have simply come to me; I didn’t need to plan or strategize.”

If this sounds familiar to you, I understand why. Early in your career, it isn’t unusual for the next opportunity to just land in your lap. You produce, you deliver, and that results in more jobs, opportunities, and choices that appear on the horizon.

But as you move up the ladder to increasingly senior positions, the sheer number of jobs at that level diminishes. It becomes important to shift from being reactive – simply choosing from among the various positions that come your way – to being proactive. When you’re proactive, you ask yourself important questions that can change the trajectory of your professional life for the better: What do I want long-term? Is my current position likely to lead me there? In order to reach my long-term goal, what makes the most strategic sense for my career short-term, medium-term, and long-term?

Click here to read more.

What Do All Great Leaders Need? An Objective Perspective

It’s that time of year again when the world celebrates International Coaching Week, which is next week, May 16-22. It’s exciting to see how this relatively young profession has grown by leaps and bounds! If you’ve worked with a coach, you will hopefully have experienced what a difference coaching can make, both in your career and in your personal life.

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The original definition of the word “coach” is a vehicle – usually horse-drawn – that took someone  from one place to another. More and more people around the world are recognizing that this is metaphorically what they can gain from an executive or leadership coach as well – a means of getting from where they are now to where they want to be.

Statistics bear this out: In a study of 370 participants who had worked with executive coaches, the group went from the 50th percentile in performance to the 93rd percentile. Amoco Corp./BP evaluated the impact of executive coaching over a ten-year period and discovered that managers who were coached received 50% higher average salary increases because their performance was so much better. So, there is a lot to celebrate this week, if you ask me!

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What do successful leaders Oprah Winfrey, Jack Welsh, and – yes, even Donald Trump – all have in common? They each credit a part of their success to having had a good executive coach at some point in their careers. Let’s face it: When you reach a certain level, it’s hard to get an objective perspective. Everyone you turn to for advice has a hidden agenda. No matter how hard they may try, these stakeholder perspectives just can’t help but be “biased.” This includes your spouse, your children, your boss, your Board of Directors, your subordinates, and your peers.

This is where an executive coach comes in. There’s an unfortunate myth that coaching is only about “fixing problems.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Coaching isn’t consulting, counseling, or therapy. It isn’t about regretting a past that cannot be changed. It’s about focusing on a future that can be changed. Executive coaching helps leaders who are already successful overcome any roadblocks in their way to achieving even more in the future. Many of today’s organizational leaders understand that the skills that enabled them to be in their current positions may not be enough to advance their careers or even keep them competitive at their present level. Here are just a few of the top reasons that executives turn to coaching:

  • Drive peak performance
  • Develop stronger, more inspiring leadership skills
  • Transition successfully into a new position
  • Help high-potential employees succeed
  • Foster better self-leadership behaviors
  • Learn to influence without direct authority in today’s matrixed world
  • Strengthen conflict management skills
  • Find a truly objective sounding board for ideas and issues
  • Successfully implement a specific new strategy, vision, or direction
  • Reduce / better manage stress
  • Improve time management and work / life balance
  • Create a more positive workplace environment
  • Achieve greater overall business success

An executive coach is a skilled professional who develops an ongoing relationship with you and focuses on helping you take action toward your stated goals. A good coach doesn’t provide solutions. Instead he/she draws out solutions from you. As an already successful leader, this helps you achieve positive, lasting changes in behaviors so that you can transform yourself and your team, ultimately leading to better overall business results.

Finding Your Coach

resolutions

So, how do you find the best executive coach for you? First and foremost, do your research. Search the internet, and/or look for certified coaches. Interview a few coaches until you find one who feels right. Ask to see training certificates and testimonials. Talk to past clients, if possible, and request a free trial session. A coach may be very talented, but the chemistry between you needs to be spot-on in order for you to achieve your goals.

Make sure you get a good return on your investment. Two large-scale independent studies among thousands of executive coaching clients across the world reported that the return on their investment was anywhere from 600-700% of the cost of the initial investment. Nonetheless, take the time to quantify the results of hiring an executive coach.

If you do the research and find an executive coach who is a good “fit” for you, the benefits can be life-changing. In honor of International Coaching Week, why not try it for yourself?

Celebrate International Coaching Week with Me in Person!

If you’re in Singapore, come to the International Coaching Week events which will be taking place May 16-20! I’ll be giving the keynote speech to kick off the all-day Symposium on the morning of Wednesday, May 18 – “Value in Coaching: The Choice is Yours” – followed by a full day of enlightening presentations. The evening ends with a dinner with Marshall Goldsmith (who endorsed my book Would YOU Want to Work for YOU?). It should be a great event!

To find out more and buy tickets, visit this site, and choose “Wednesday May 18” in the drop-down box.

I hope to see you there!

The 15 Most Important Characteristics of Executive Presence

I am often asked, “What is the most popular topic clients request when it comes to leadership development?”

Boost executive Presence

My answer? “Presence” — specifically Executive Presence. I have found that Executive Presence is that “special sauce” which separates good leaders who “do well” from outstanding leaders who catapult to the top of their organizations.

Let’s face it – most leaders have good enough technical skills, business acumen, and all-around smarts to achieve a certain level of success in an organization. But, a powerful sense of “presence” – that je ne sais quoi – is often what’s missing, and that is what can hold back many leaders from advancing in their careers.

What is Presence? And, more importantly, how do you get it? The way I like to define Executive Presence is a certain set of attitudes, behaviors, and skills which – when combined – send the right signals, influence others, and ultimately drive results. When you develop powerful Executive Presence, you automatically strengthen your Leadership Personal Brand, i.e., the way others perceive, think, and feel about YOU™, which is a critically important foundation of success.

YOU(tm)

“That sounds appealing,” many clients have told me, “but can Executive Presence really be developed?” Absolutely. Let’s face it: No one is born with Presence – it is a learned behavior with multiple facets which is strengthened through intention and practice.

What is the essential first step in developing your own Presence? It’s getting clear on how well you currently fare with the various aspects that make up Presence.

With that in mind, I’m sharing with you below a self-assessment that highlights some fundamental facets of Executive Presence. This will help you review the state of your own Presence, both in your personal and professional life.

In addition, further below in this newsletter, you will find a link to more complimentary tips through dozens of articles I have written on Executive Presence and leadership branding.

Assess the State of Your Own Executive Presence

Take this quiz, and see how well you are doing on these key facets of Executive Presence, which can in turn impact your Leadership Personal Brand.

test taking

On a scale of 1 to 6, with 1 the lowest score and 6 the highest score, rate yourself in the following areas. (Be honest with yourself!)

  1. I have a strong positive influence on my family, my team, coworkers, colleagues, and superiors.
  2. I manage my emotional reactions well at home and in the workplace, and I stay calm under pressure.
  3. When I need to let someone know I’m unhappy with a situation, I speak to them calmly and assertively. I don’t express my feelings in a passive-aggressive way.
  4. I am resilient when pressure builds at home or on the job.
  5. I speak up in very important meetings and when in the presence of more senior leaders.
  6. When I am attending a gathering or a meeting, I am able to focus 100% on the topic at hand, without distracting thoughts or checking my phone for messages.
  7. Based on the way others relate to me, I believe I exhibit charisma both at home and on the job.
  8. I have inner self-confidence, and I believe in myself.
  9. When team members and others push back on my decisions, I manage the situation in a professional, balanced way so that the best choice is made without harming workplace relationships.
  10. I’m capable of thinking on my feet when under pressure.
  11. When conflict arises, I manage it steadily, without damaging personal or professional relationships.
  12. I am aware of and effectively manage my Leadership Personal Brand, not just within my organization, but also externally within my industry.
  13. I know how to maneuver office politics, as necessary.
  14. When I’m called upon to make a presentation, I do so powerfully, engaging my audience from beginning to end.
  15. I use storytelling as a means of engaging others when I communicate

Obviously, if you rated yourself a “5” or a “6” on all 15 of these Executive Presence attitudes, behaviors, and skills, good for you – well done! Based on my experience though, that would be rare. It’s not unusual to have room for improvement on a fair number of these attributes.

So, take a moment to review your self-scores, and write down two or three aspects of Presence that are the most important for you and which you would like to improve.

Action Steps

review

Sit back, and assess your scores. Where did you do well? In which areas did you score lower?

On the statements where you scored well, ask yourself what allows you to do that. What makes you think those are areas where you exhibit strengths?

Now, look at the statements where you ranked lower and choose a specific aspect of Executive Presence that you would like to strengthen the most.

  1. Find a role model (boss, peer, colleague) whom you think embodies that particular aspect, and seek their advice on how they have managed to succeed in that area. You might even ask them if you can observe them in action and take note of what they do to really excel at that particular Executive Presence characteristic.
  2. Check out the articles I’ve written on various executive and leadership topics. These articles can be found here.
  3. Lastly, consider having an “accountability buddy,” someone to help support you in developing your presence, and share your plan with them. Ask if that person would be open to following up with you on your plan as well as giving you honest feedback as you progress.

Are YOU interested in the topic of Executive Presence?

I regularly present keynotes and offer interactive, live-learning programs on the topic of Executive Presence to audiences around the world. These programs, which are popular with corporate clients, have been proven to drive lasting mindset and behavior changes in leaders.

Click here to learn more about our Executive Presence keynotes and other popular programs we offer, or feel free to contact me at Brenda@BrendaBence.com.

Of course, I also work one-on-one with individual coaching clients to build and strengthen Executive Presence. You can find out more by visiting www.BrendaBence.com/Coaching.

Here’s to YOU™!

The Secret to Avoiding Failed New Year’s Resolutions

I spend a large part of the year in Asia, so this is one of my favorite periods of time. We’ve come off of the busy-ness of calendar year-end holidays and we’re approaching the end of the festivities of the Chinese New Year. The energy is great – people are having fun, celebrating with family, sharing oranges, and spirits are generally lifted!

But, no matter where you are in the world, this is also the time of the year when one seemingly-universal phenomena has taken place: Those calendar year-end New Year’s Resolutions – which everyone was so intent on achieving on January 1 – have by now fallen by the wayside.

The statistics around failed New Year’s resolutions are not pretty. In 2013, Forbes magazine stated that only 8% of resolutions are actually met, which means 92% fail. U.S. News had a slightly more positive take, reporting in 2015 that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail. No matter which source you refer to, those are high rates of unfulfilled goals!

resolutions

What is the reason behind so many of us “falling off the wagon” when it comes to achieving what we wanted at the beginning of the year? Multiple studies have tried to answer that question, but in my experience as an Executive Coach, I believe there is one critical yet overlooked cause of our inability to stick with what we set out to do.

It’s not that we don’t want those goals to come to fruition. We definitely desire to lose weight, exercise more, be better organized, stop procrastinating, listen better, delegate more, and on and on. So, it’s rare that a lack of motivation is the true cause of resolutions going off track.

Instead, I believe the heart of the issue is our belief that if we just “do” things differently, all will be well.

For example, I often hear, “Once I get my calendar under control, I’ll be more productive.” Or, “Once I make more money, I’ll be happier.” Maybe you’ve made a similar statement in the past?

But, in my experience coaching executives across the globe, those types of “if-then” statements rarely become reality. And, when you don’t achieve your resolutions, you’re likely to feel more angst and frustration than you did before … not to mention feelings of failure. That just makes it even harder to set and achieve new goals in the future.

The “Ah-ha!”

So, what do I think is the biggest reason that such a large percentage of New Year’s resolutions aren’t achieved? It’s because the types of goals we set tend to focus on what we hope to “do” rather than how we need to “be” to achieve what we want.

a ha moment light bulb

We must first change how we are “being” before we can truly alter what we’re “doing.” After all, we are human beings, not “human doings,” right?

Let’s look at an example: Put yourself in the shoes of a leader at work. Your stakeholder feedback reveals you have a tendency to “tell” more than “ask,” and this behavior is having an impact on your success. Since you’re simply “telling” your team what to do, they aren’t developing as they should. If you asked powerful questions instead, you would develop their thinking and leadership capacity.

You’ve been told that your own career will stall if you keep this up because you won’t have developed a successor who can take your place. So, this behavior is not only preventing your direct reports from moving up, but it will also hold you back from moving up progressing, too.

Knowing this, you’re now very determined to make this change! You set a goal for yourself to ask more powerful questions rather than to tell subordinates what to do. You even go so far as to establish a measure – you’ll ask 60% of the time and tell only 40% of the time, at least as a start. (That’s a big shift from where you are now, which is 90% telling and 10% asking).

behavior change

At first, you do well with changing your telling and asking behaviors. But then, pressure builds up at work, and you think it takes too much time to ask. So, within weeks, you’re back to your old self, telling your subordinates what to do 90% of the time. You’ve gone full circle, and you’re back where you started.

Get to the Core

The goal of “telling less, asking more” is an example of a “doing” goal. If you only stay at that level, you haven’t yet reached the crux of the issue. It’s fundamental to ask yourself: What is at the core of my need to tell so much?

That core is about how you are being, feeling, and thinking. At the heart of every desired change in behavior is a deeper state of “being” that must first be addressed.

Target into Bulls eye

In our sample case, what’s driving the need to “tell?” It could be many things. Two possibilities are: (1) a need to display all that you know so that people think you’re smart; (2) a “need for speed”

and a strong desire to get things done quickly because you believe it takes less time to tell someone what to do.

Let’s work through this second perception. How can “being,” feeling, and thinking differently result in different outcomes that create long-lasting, positive change?

A Case in Point

My client, Augustina, always wanted to get work done quickly, and felt that telling her direct reports how to do it (as opposed to asking them to discover ways to do it for themselves) was a more efficient way to meet deadlines.

So, we addressed this issue with the use of my “Think-Feel-Behave-Results” triangle below, starting from the bottom and working our way up.

First, I asked Augustina to tell me what she “thinks” about telling direct reports what to do, versus asking powerful questions. Her answer was, “Telling them what to do is faster and more efficient than asking questions.”

Next, I asked her how that thought made her “feel” about telling when the need to do so arises. Augustina said, “I feel productive and in control, and satisfied things are getting done quickly.”

“So, how does that emotional reaction make you behave? What are the actions you take as a result?” I asked her. “I quickly tell direct reports what to do without wasting time,” Augustina responded.

Lastly, I asked her about the outcomes of this behavior. She thought for a moment, then said, “Well, it’s true that things do get done on time, but my team doesn’t grow, and I won’t progress in my career long-term if I keep that up.”current - what you think

When I asked her to sit back and reflect about the overall impact of this behavior on her individual brand as a leader, she admitted that this probably made her look like an ineffective leader. She agreed that wasn’t the outcome she wanted.

Let’s Shift the Thinking …

In order to alter that result, we went back to the beginning and changed the way Augustina was “being” – how she thought about telling people what to do – keeping in mind that “what you think is what you get.”

This time, I asked Augustina to come up with a constructive thought about asking powerful questions. This thought would replace her existing thoughts about telling. She responded, “Asking direct reports powerful questions helps grow my team and will help my future career success.”

“Great!” I said. “Now, how does the thought of helping grow your team and your own future career success make you feel?”

“I feel empowered and proud. It feels good to think of being helpful by asking my direct reports powerful questions, and it certainly feels good to be more successful myself,” she said.

Identifying the feeling helped Augustina begin to behave differently than before. She would ask powerful questions far more often, no matter how much time it took.future - what you think

The ultimate result? Her direct reports would grow in their roles, which would lead to increased productivity, and Augustina’s ability as a leader would improve and be recognized, too. That, in turn, would end up providing more career opportunities for herself.

By simply changing the way Augustina was being and thinking about a limiting behavior, and by changing her feelings about that, she could immediately become a stronger leader. This would, in turn, improve her leadership brand.

Actions to Take:

Self check

Walk through the triangle exercise, from bottom to top, asking yourself about your thoughts related to a challenge you’re facing. How does that specific thought make you feel? How does that feeling cause you to behave? What outcomes does that behavior have on your success and on your brand as a leader? Sit back and reflect on how that underlying thought – how you are being – is impacting the results you get.

Then, work your way through the triangle a second time, this time thinking a positive, forward-focused thought about that same challenge. How does this new thought make you feel? How would this feeling make you behave? What result would you get from this new behavior?

Changing the way you are being and the thoughts you have create a powerful shift that will drive positive, long-lasting change.

Make a commitment to yourself that the next time a challenge arises in the workplace, you’ll remember to think differently about that challenge, and alter the way you are being/thinking/feeling. Ultimately, that’s what will result in greater short- and long-term outcomes … and, yes, successfully achieving your New Year’s resolutions!